Our Crazy Neighbor

The stories of how crazy our neighbor is started long before I moved in. At some point during our dating life, Charles told me about how he came home one day and she opened her door wearing very little clothing. At the time, I was jealous. Now I know better - I had NOTHING to worry about - Charles doesn't like crazy (and she is crazy with every cell in her body.)

Now she is nice enough most of the time. She seems somewhat gentle, has some kind of facial paralysis, maybe due to some past drug use or something? She also dresses like a homeless person, but has a very nice family that comes to visit her on the holidays and always speaks nicely to us when we see them coming and going.

But my introduction to her craziness started with a Saturday afternoon when I heard a crashing in the hallway. Well, not really a crashing, more like thunderous booms. I had two friends sitting on my sofa that were petrified. I looked out the peep hole to see her trying to kick her own door in.

Some minutes later she knocked on our door. I looked at my friends and said "You have my back, right?" They both looked back like "You have got to be kidding me, don't you dare answer that door!" But answer it I did. She asked me to call the police and have them come let her into her apartment. I lent her the phone and she did it herself. Two days later she left a dollar with my brother in law to pay for the phone call.

She calls the police several times a week. She also has her locks changed at least once a month. She sometimes puts notes on the door that say "Don't come near this door."

But all of that was eclipsed a couple of nights ago when my sister in law and niece were over to visit the baby and the police knocked on the door. Now I immediately thought "Oh no, my niece pressed the 911 button again?" Because she has done that twice before.

No, no that was not it. The police asked "Do you have an emergency maintenance number because the lady across the hall put her hand through the glass window downstairs and there is blood all over the hallway."

First of all - Do I what? She did what?

Second of all - Do you mind not mentioning phrases like "blood all over the hallway in front of my niece and baby?

Third of all - You are the police, aren't you supposed to keep these numbers around? Don't you know everything? And even if you don't, aren't you NOT supposed to knock on a random door across the hall and ask them? (I know, that's a double negative, but forgive me, I've got issues here)

I know what you are thinking - yes, we are going to move. But not with a 7 week old baby. We will not renew the lease again, but we just did since we were not in the position to move with a brand new baby and the Obama tax credit mini-bubble frenzy was too much for us to handle.

In the meantime, I talked to the owner's son and he said to call them the next time she does something crazy. Oh, I forgot to mention that she's been knocking on our door at crazy times - like 6am and 12:30am. I no longer answer.

But man, I feel uneasy about this. Very uneasy.