Sunday, May 9, 2010

Ode to a Father on Mother's Day...

Patience is a virtue, or so they say... and I am inclined to believe them. After all, I waited 33 years before I met this man who is now my husband and the father of my new sweet daughter. I knew he was special from the very beginning, but there was no way to know how very special he is.

One of the most surprising aspects of new parenthood has been the joy and admiration that I have in watching my husband become a father. From the first day - that day when I was nearly paralyzed with fear about the c-section, he countered that mood with unbridled excitement and enthusiasm. He suited up, took his seat beside me in the OR, and whispered our daughter's name to me (he chose it and kept the final decision from me until that moment). He joked with me, and when it came time for him to watch her emerge from my belly - he hopped up as if he was about to meet the most important person in the world - and he has treated her as such ever since.

It's not just that I love to hear him sing to her or to watch them sleep together - all of that is precious - but I am in awe that he has poured himself into helping us both so completely. He does EVERYTHING.

He is my everything.

So on this day when the attention will be on me, I want to take a moment and tell the world that I would not, could not do this without him. And I mean HIM. He has a way with me - he can disarm me with a glance. He can relax me with a small phrase or sometimes even a gesture. Good skills to have as a husband, but they have felt like lifelines to me in the last month.

I wonder sometimes if he will ever see me the same again - as the woman I was before the huge incision, the hemorrhoids and the leaking breasts - before I became a fiercely protective mama-bear. But then I remember that if he has enjoyed watching me become the mother that I am even a fraction as much as I have enjoyed watching him become the father that he is - it won't matter if I am ever that person again - because in just one month, I have become so much more.

So my dear husband, I have a month or so before the time comes to shower you with presents and attention on your special day, but in the meantime you must know how much I appreciate you.

Wait. Words are failing me here. I want to say how much I appreciate you, how much I love you, and how much I admire you, but the words do not carry the proper weight. They are overused. Trite. But I am limited to this language, so instead please know that the emotion behind these words are stronger than you can even imagine.

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