Sunday, December 24, 2006

Do things always work out?

I sometimes feel plagued by disappointment. I'm not the type to get really angry, but I am often disappointed.

The holidays are no exception. I started over a month ago by asking a great friend to spend the holidays with me. Well, he already had a wonderful trip planned, so I continued on my merry way in arranging other plans.

I was again so excited last week when a different friend and I made plans to go to midnight mass together. When I called to solidify the plans, he explained a misunderstanding that would make it difficult for him to join me. So as I always do, I let him off the hook and again went on my merry way to make different plans.

But I realized today that my disappointment is really minor, since I have multiple days of plans with my very bestest friends - why am I worried? I know that part of it is a fantasy of what the holidays should be like. But it's not like I had these amazingly great holidays as a kid - we always were stuck in church for what seemed like days, our parents were exhausted, our grandparents got us strange presents and were mostly disconnected.

So I guess I'm ready to follow my own advice and enjoy my life for what it is: filled with wonderful, generous friends that are willing to include me in their lives, include me in their family celebrations - and for this I am not only extremely grateful, but right this very moment I'm realizing that reality is better, more supportive, and warmer than continually adjusting my fantasy to try to fit a scenario that just doesn't exist for me yet.

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