Friday, January 9, 2009

Hey, was that you?

Dear Juwan:
Hey there! So, I didn't want to interupt your phone call this morning with your sweetie - she sounded like she was REALLY concerned with what you did last night after practice. You should send her flowers, maybe then she would relax. Wait, wait, nevermind, that might make it worse... like you were trying to hard to compensate for some indiscretion.

But seriously, that was you, right? I must say, you are REALLY tall. And you ordered an extra-hot venti chai. Nice order. If you ever want a cup of Kenyan chai, I'm pretty good and making it, and I bet you and my husband would get along great. I know you do a bunch of humanitarian work in Africa, perhaps you all could start something sports-related in Kenya? Just an idea.

Well, sorry I didn't say hi. Some lady stole my drink and I had to wait around while they made another one. But you seemed concerned that someone might recognize you and then make things uncomfortable - I get that... as a huge basketball player in the tiniest Starbucks on the planet it must be hard to stay incognito. Well I didn't blow your cover. You are welcome.

So one more thing. Remember those dark days when you were a Wizard? For the record, I'm sorry that those fans boo-ed you all the time. It must be tough to put up like 30 points a game and still get boo-ed. I hope that new team is treating you well. Good luck with that lady of yours.

See ya!

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