Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Forcing it.

This is going to come as a shock to those that know me (okay, maybe not) but I have a hard time sitting back and just allowing things to happen. I always have.

For example, as a child I went out on a lake with some family friends to learn how to waterski. I kept trying to pull myself closer to the boat once I was up on the skis, which would cause me to topple forward, the wind would be knocked out of me and I'd sputter up to the surface and wait for the boat. Finally the man who was teaching me said, "Kathryn you have to let the boat PULL you!"

So it shouldn't come as a surprize to me or to anyone else that in situations where I must just wait and see what happens that I get all anxious and tense. I have alot of those situations in my life right now and it makes me cranky. (Not to mention that my jaw is tense all the time and sometimes my hair seems to be falling out.)

In these situations I usually do one of two things: 1) make myself crazy worrying until the situation resolves itself or 2) pick some kind of fight or raise conflict to force the issue.

I'd like to stop this. Most of the reason that I work out, go dancing, and have my yoga practice is to try to offset the tension I feel all the time. But I've decided there must also be a mental shift. A trigger to make me less critical, less tense, and not looking for an opportunity to force the resolution. Sometimes my routines (and I have many of them) serve as a way for me to relax, but I would like to develop something more subtle, more immediate.

Any suggestions?

1 comment:

Craige said...

Please let me know if any of those things really and truly relax you. Yoga maybe? I've been meaning to take it up for ages. I have this horrible tension in my shoulders and tummy that I can force myself to release, but it comes right back again as soon as I stop concentrating on it.